Im lazy to blog!

Alritee so many things going on and im loosing track of time again! wow somehow i cant rmb when everything happened! Damn im growing old! Ohh i saw this lady in the train i think she looks super scary! like gona eat me up or smthing!

SEE! i think she looks like the persian king form 300 =Z

Ohh we went Ben and Jerrys free cone day at vivo on tues i think! haha the que was kinda faster then i expected. But the icecream was melting. Damn. I dun really like ben and jerrys anw! =D its like eating rubbish! all the flavours all mixed into a wierd combi! Cookie dough ftw though! =)

Then we met shaa! my play mate! =D who was apprently Smiling really really widely for a certain reason! Right shaa? *wink wink* Ohh jeet got her hair done from some hot guy it took damn long though so me bobby and siqi went to find venus and her video group! haha lots of stuff going on! They shooed us away though so we went to play! Bobby's frav pic!

Oops! =Z

Demsi hill! i think its spelled that way.. =Z i have like the worst spelling ever! Haha its teressa's birthday! lalalala somebody's growing old =) Anw the food was damn gooood! I think its worth my 50 bucks! Bleh i need more pocket money! Im going broke! Oh we went crazy elephant for teressa's birthday countdown! Bleh i paid 15 bucks for a diluted martel. See my money dun go into my shopping fund! it goes into food!

I think this pic is super cute =)

Emo time! Its just so saddening to know that someone is going through what i went through. How can something be your fault when the only thing you did was to try too hard? How can you let go of something when you know both of you still love each other? Although it was the right thing to do but is it worth the pain you feel? So many questions that will never be answered. I feel words unspoken inside..

Heh i cant seem to find a Positive relation between Religion and Science. Well the only thing i figured out is that religion gives you a false sense of security. I guess thats what everyone needs but cant get so they turn to God. Faith. "If you have faith as small as a mustard see you can move mountains" Well a doubt smaller then a mustard seed will move that moutain equally as well. See the thing about faith is that it needs to be cultivated. Doubt just grows like weeds. Its just so hard to get rid of it.

There is a thin line between what is Good and what is Evil,

I will tip-toe down that line but I will feel unstable.

Today i went to ktv and chomchom! KTV haven done that for more then a year! Never ever ever drink any of kbox's house shots cause they are super diluted and bad quality! other then that it was ok! nurul sings really well haha and bobby sings chinese songs! 0.o oh!! and somehow Kbox has rock and metal songs! I saw a song by the scopions and another by Black Sabbath! wtf?

Chom Chom! i haven been there in like ages.. Its was kinda bad.. cause i saw like alot of people. 1stly i saw some old church people at chom chom! Then i saw old school friends at ice cube which i didnt recgonise! which sucked cause he said hi and i asked who he was! But i still dun rmb him! great! Anw ice cube serves shots in test tubes! haha kinda like the clinic bar! =Z And nurul got drunk on root beer! =D

Ok you know who you guys are! Pleaseee dun tell me that im flirtatious cause im not! And never ever seriously call me Uncle!

Throughout my life I’ve left pieces of my heart here and there and now there is hardly enough to stay alive.

no one understands me

Lucifer =D

Lucifer actually means bringer of light or “light-bringer” in Latin. And Satan would mean “the wanderer”. Hmm so wouldn’t that make the devil is a wandering bringer of light! Haha demons are such interesting things to study.

Ive been wondering.. what makes us humans better then demons or angels? Why were we given power over them? I mean you cant be blaming every bad thing anyone has done on a demon deceiving them. Its just irresponsible! Then again who says its wrong to be irresponsible. Haha! Well angels are supposed to be holy creatures who sit around doing nothing all day long. Then demons are what? supposed to be fucking us up? Well i think we humans can do a better job then them demons. All the wars and killings! i think we are doing a pretty good job! So yeah nothing to fear abt evil is there now? So Jacob and MeiMei dun be scared of Sally or Marcus ok? =D

My faith has grown, no fear of the unknown..

Take my hand and ill lead you on

After all that ive been through its kinda hard to believe that i survived till today. I know i may be young but being sucidal since my pri school days its a really long time to bear. Every day just ticks away so painfully. Yes for those who dont know, I was sucidal and i still am. But I guess after my last failed relationship i kinda realised that I can keep feeling sorry for myself or i could take control of my life.

God I don't need you and i have been a million times better off without you. Such a weak religion based only on faith. A seed of doubt would go a long way. Send me to hell cause i dont give a fuck. You claimed you loved us but look what you did to job just to prove a point. Jesus Christ suffered for us and died for our sins? Fuck Christ! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell and all the praises and hallelujahs of the legions of angels for eternity. Damn i could do that!

I can say im a better person now then when i was a Christian. I wouldnt say happier but better indeed. I never had happiness to start with anyways. Instead of just residing in a God that does what ever he wants when ever he wants to. Ive decided to step out of that comfort circle. At least now i dun depend on some stupid faith and a self-righteous God. Let me say this to everyone. However strong your faith is it doesnt matter at all. Now i know this for sure that this is my life. I play by my rules. And i am God. Tell that to yourself cause you need not be governed by anything!

To my ex. I don't know if your gona read this but im gona thank you for ripping my heart out. Im better off dead thank you. Infact without you ill still be following that hippocratic messiah of yours. I'll never be what you want me to be. I'll be better..

Why does it hurt so bad
to lose something I thought I had
to have these feelings and nothing to do
just sit around and wait for you
Why is it so hard to move on now
knowing what we never had it
Is there a place where happiness is?
Even though there's still a fizz
In my soul when you are around
your name is beautiful yet a painful sound
Now all I can do is wonder
How I lost it all in one little blunder
By falling for you
Now I know the nature of my errors
I just wish I could get rid of my cares
Yet I can't now my heart won't let me
To get rid of a person who fills me with glee
But I can't have what I never had
No matter what I do or how I try
So fuck it!

Wooh im back frm china!

Do you know china addresses forginers as aliens! this is written on their departure card.

1.Aliens who do not lodge at hotels, guesthouses or inns shall, within 24hours(72hours in rural areas) of entry, go through accommodation registration at the local police station.
There are 3 more of this rules.. all starting with alien. haha i think its pretty funny.. i was like laughin at immigration when i saw it =Z

Oh well my china trip was pretty dissapointing. they only had crappy china clothes.. i bought a suit though. =Z it was pretty fucked up actually i was actually lookin at this pants then the lady brought me a blazer to match with it. then she brought me a shirt to match my blazer. then she brought shoes.. so i ended up buyin the whole set! the service was goood though.. That lady was really damn helpful.

I love massage! 3 nights in china 8 hours of massage =D i went for facial, spa and foot massage on the 1st night. full body and foot massage on the second. Spa and full body on the 3rd. haha i had stones on my back.. hot hot..

I wonder whats its like to have a loving family?

Where did I go wrong?
Who was I supposed to be?
No matter what I’ve done you’ve always criticized me

A broken heart
By a stab in the arm
Left with a scar to remind me of
The things you’ve done

A happy home like a fairy tale
But broken dream is all I got
A neglected seed from a family tree
Like a drifting log in the open sea

Know not just who I’ve become
It’s because of you I’m broken
And it’s because of you I’m dead inside
When it’s said and done would you remember what you’ve done?

Doodling meimei!

Today we had our first lesson which ended at 6.30pm. Well at least it was SUPPOSED to.. until our lecturer had to leave for some personal matters. anw my mei mei likes to doodle and she does it every whereee!


She doodled on my diary.. =.=

When there is no place to doodle... ai yoo Mei Mei!

Bleh i had to like go home with this on my arm. i think everyone was lookin at me haha. oh well. My mei mei is still cute! We're goin bouldering tmr. its like rock climbing i think haha. im gona wear spongebob boxers to climb ok teressa? =D

MindS! 0.0

Today i went minds cafe with my Mdis friends! Haven been there in ages. Hm the last time i went was with my ex. We sat at the same place also! Bleh. Anw we played some crazy expression game! haha Teressa was so funny! She slapped Bobbys leg damn hard to express anger! Hmm what else did we play? ohh sabotur. i think its spelled that way! =D some random mineing game. Damn Si Qi just blocked everyone! Hmph!

I Love Board Gamess!


OMG JAMES! DUN KILL MY DARLING JOJO!
Bobby is drunk? or sleepy? or maybe his just BOBBY =D

The Bone is so cool!
Fellow puppy! yayness we are cute!

Weeeeee Cam whore with my mei mei!

YAY! more of me! Bobby trying to kiss me? i know im hot in demand! =D

Thats james! His laugh is super funny! MUHAHAHHA!

Teressa and Si Qi(THE BLOCKER)
WEE the Cam whore masters!

More Cam Whoreing!

Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Haha Cam Whoring is fun!

Haha. Ok im gay i know! =D

i still love purple!

"Its for cool people"quote from bobby! High-five!

Im going China on thurs to shop! Dono if i should be happy or not! =Z all my assignments are due soon! rawr! oh well its shopping! =D soo yay to me!

so if i fall down, i'll pick myself up

so i dont hit the ground, now

im still alive i dont know

how i found a way to take another breath of life

*I miss holding hands*

I never got the chance to thank you for ripping out my heart

I was just listening to this song.. and the lyrics just struck me.

It's stranger than fiction, how you've decayed
It must be so lonely, lost within your ways

You're born alone, you die alone
The rest is yours to fill the gap
The world goes on, without you here
The just of, just collapse

Is this what you wanted to be?
Alone standing by yourself
Is this all you wanted to be?
Or was that a cry for help?

Sad, Empty and Alone

Woooh!

I just finished my bloody PSSR report. For those of you who dono what PSSR is, its a stupid social science RESEARCH paper where we write on ethical standerds. Bleh i dun even give a damn abt ethics. Anyways.. It took me like 7 long stressfull draggy dreadfull hours? i was doin other stuff at the same time though. Even still its God damn irritating. I photocopied 4 reports from the national lib only to realise i cant use damn. Fuck! Then i wrote a 900word essay. It was supposed to be from 1000-1200 words. So yeah i tried to extand it and i ended up with 1500 words. Gosh i gona pull out all my hair alr! Bleh after canceling and rephrasing alot of stuff i finally got it to 1232 words. hurray to me! im done! Damn everything is gona be due soon! Jing wen prepair for more of this rubbish! haha im venting eveything on my blog!

I LOVE PURPLE! =D

My mei mei is sick! Puking everywhere. Must be eat too much =D Shes even cute when she's sick. i should just keep her as my pet then can entertain me all day longggg =). Anw hope she gets well sooon. MEIMEI GET WELL SOON I GIVE YOU CHOCOLATES!!

I wana fly awayyyyy!! Fly to a place up in the moutains where ill live the rest of my life alone with no one to care for and nothing to worry about. it seems that during the passage of time everything i love and care about would leave me or at least force me to stop caring about them.*i sound like im damn old alr* Bah life sucks seriously.

For all you christians

This is my verse.. This is what made me stronger.. and this is what ill give all you people.

Amos 3:6 Should a trumpet be blown and the people in the city not fear? Should a calamity occur in the city and the LORD has not done it?

You know i just realised that followin the bible all the time has just been restrictin myself.. Remove that armor of god and you shall see the world in a different view. Why should he be the one who defines whats right or wrong.

Change is everything that you and I fear. Get over that fear and your potential will be limitless

I dreamt of her again..

Haizz its been a while since i last dreamt of her.. i dont know why she's back to haunt me.. and i just cant seem to forget about that dream.. i woke up in tears.. oh well at least when i start feelin i can start writeing again.. so yeah i wrote this..

Before this story starts, is it wrong
To want to love someone
We were more than friends
Something divine

My love has been strong for far too long
Stricken by fear that
Something would go wrong
Before any of the possibilities came through
I took the first stab

Now I’m laughing myself to tears
At the irony of our love
Well you had my heart
At least the most part

I tried to hold on as you slowly slip away
We all had a time where we’ve lost control
I’ve treated you so wrong and I can’t make it right

Shame pulses through my heart
From the things I’ve done to you
Selfish beneath the skin
Left you bound and tied with suicide memories

I always knew my little crimes
Would return to haunt me
Well everybody has to die sometime
So Baby don’t cry

Im tiredd..

i shall start postin more poems nxt time.. im so god damn lazy =D arg so many assignments and projects! i haven even start any of the indivdual oness! oh my goodness im gona get fucked bad. =Z Someone rush me to do homework plzz!

Come all you sg kia sure understand this one la! =D

Intro: The first letter was posted last year, in one of the forums I participate in, by a person who goes by the nick "ChinChaiOne" and he named his thread "Tolong Tolong". It was picked up by other forums, circulatedaround (even in govt depts) then someone who posed as an official in the PM's office posted a reply.

OPEN LETTER COFFEE SHOP TALKFrom : ChinChaiOne2008-Apr 12
Dear Prime Minister,We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.We DO NOT NEED your help.

Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run forcover!!!

Help the poor? Raise GST!

Help traffic flow? Up ERP!

Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!

Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!

Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!

Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!THANK YOU THANK YOU…TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no needyour help liao.. We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!

Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat Selamatcase, like dat….so far, it is ok, your incompetence, we ACCEPT!

PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?

Thank you thank you,I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one.

Following is a reply from the Prime Minister's Office:Date: Saturday, 2 August, 2008.Dear Chin Chai One,10Q you for your letter. On behalf of the Prime Minister, I am replying to your letter as follows:As the erected party of Singaporeans, we are here to serve.We are demon-cratic country, you are master, we gahmen servant, we serve you. You got problems we must help. You say no need our help? That meansyou're not Singapore 's master. You say you run for cover? Cannot one, ourpolice will find you.

GST is to help the Gahmen to help yourself. The Gahmen Service Tax is everywhere, you go America also have one, cannot run one.

Traffic very bad, so bad that we have to hold car racing at nite to avoidtraffic jam.

We believe there is no free lunch like PM's father say before,you use, you must pay, so Every Road Pay. So you see no ERP cannot one.Needless to say, passenger service also must pay. The increase in bus fareand MRT and taxi fare are very little already. We foresee world inflationcoming: oil, steel, pay of foreign talents, etc, so we have to pay for theservice.

You see, many foreign talents come to Singapore . If we don't pay our ministers well, they will go other countries to be their foreign talents.So must raise salary to keep them. If not, Nathan, Shanmugam, Bala etc willgo India and work. Khaw will go Malaysia . etc etc. Must keep them. To keepthem must pay well.

You are right, any help also must pay.To help yourself? No, it's illegal. You mean you can build your own MRT?Run your own buses? Drive your Ba-Ong-Chia? Build your own roads? Seowliao!! Every one help himself then how? No social order lah! Ga ga ask for help, we are here to serve you.We understand some of you have temporary problem. Don't worry, it is onlyshort term. We must look long term. We must invest long term. Now lose abit don't cow beh cow boo, long term!

Yes, remember. 30 or 50 years laterwe will own Swiss banks, US banks, UK properties, maybe even South Polecondominiums. We must tighten our seat belt and bite our false teeth. Thefuture very bright. As long as you continue to support the gahmen 30 to 50years you will see bright future. So Chiang See Tong a bit lah. Also,investing is very complicated business, not easy. We must pay school fee to learn from advanced countries.

On Selamat's case, we also must learn our lesson. We encourage life-long-learning. I learn whole life time, you learn whole life, Mr Wong Can't Sing also whole life learning. It's actually good. Mr Wong alreadyapologise, don't force a dog to jump over the wall, the wall may collapse.Old dog cannot jump high also.

Selamat's case gives us many lessons. We must be on alert, not toocomplacent. Now every Singaporean know there can be a terrorist among usany time. This is the best self defence education !! PM will give Mr Wonganother salary increment for that.

Also now we merge the prisons and detention centre, more space will beavailable now. We will build it like another IR, Integrated Retention - sothose don't want our service and thinking of doing illegal service will gothere. We will pass a new law too, the expenses for stay in that IR will bededucted from your CPF money.

Remember we must be grateful to people who help us -- and pay.

I hope I have explained the situation and give you the message clearly. Ifyou still need help, please call my handphone: 9990-6767 , it'stoll-free.

By the way, Mr Chin Chai One, our pioneer Toh Chin Chai already toh longago. So if you choose to be Chin Chin Chai Chai, you will also Toh.

10Q you again,

Reguards,

Ah Beng
Grassrude secretary

Forever...

You said the words I love you
But it is obvious things have changed
I said the words I love you
And my feelings are still the same

You said I'll love you forever
But forever wasn't long enough
I said I'll love you Forever
And I meant till the ends of time
But It cannot imply to you
What that means
Cause your version of Forever
Isn't what it seems
And my version of Forever
Seems like an unrealistic dream

Gazing at the moon
My heart loves to the core
For once I fell in love
like no other time before

With kindness and a voice
You patched up every sore
Was it meant to be
As it's never been before

Hand in hand we walked
My faith to you I swore
As we kissed that first sweet time
We melted to the floor
At least I did

Lots of hurdles came
With those came the pain
But after all that we've endured
One fact remains the same

Months spent together
In fact, we lasted five
The fact remains, I still love you
Forever, and ever more

I pray that you'll come back
I Hope I'm in your mind
Theres so much I want to share
Don't care if love is blind!

As you walked away
There's nothing I want more
Then to feel your love again
As I've never felt before.

3.48am
16th floor
I'm sitting in the windowsill, your picture in my hand
Feel your arms around me but you're not here
I wear this shirt cause it was yours
It's the closest I can be to you

There's a burning inside me that won't go away
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me think of anything else but you
Let it rain to wash me clean
Let it snow to quench the burning
Let it rain hail and destroy this fire even if it kills me

I have given you anything
Tried to be who you wanted me to be
Just to keep your interest

I never pulled away from that kiss
That held a painful hint of truth
Maybe I was too much fun
So u said “I love you”

Tired of times we spend together
Tired of me you grow
Tired of being tired in time
No feelings will you show

But in time as your thoughts are even
Will I even be thought as your pawn
And will you be happy or even care
When I’m finally gone

Precious..

You are everything precious
And like everything so rare
You come with a price
A price to pay so dear

You are like Gold
You glimmer and glow
And shine so brightly
Some, like me, draw close
To feel your warmth, your heat
Only to find none

You are like the diamond
You are bright and strong
But you have no warmth, or love
It's a terrible game
To play with people's hearts
Like mine

Will you regret it someday?
Regret being so cold
And look for me
A find me gone?
Or can I ever leave?
No, I can never leave youI am drawn to this cold light
This false sense of warmth you give
I keep wishing and hoping
That someday, you keep me warm

As i count the days and nights past..

During the day I wished you were there to spend it with me
During the day every moment awake hurts
During the day I think about laying down to forget everything but
At night I lay and think of you hoping my wishes and dreams come true
At night I wonder can this be the end is this all that's left
At night I wish we could go to the way things were
At night I lay and cry about the things that happened and how it all ended
At night I lay and think of us, I mean you and I
At night I realize there's no more us
At night I realize that there was no you
At night I dream of us together again
At night I wish your lie was forever
At night I wish for us to be together again
But in the morning I realize it
All starts over again
You say hell would be like this
My worst moments played over and over again
Am I in hell?
Cut myself to feel the pain
But don’t you feel pain in hell too?