Nothing At All

You were a victim of my crimes
A product of my rage
You were a beautiful distraction
I kept you locked away outside
Let misery provide
And now I am ashamed
So I walk to try to find a space
Where I can be alone to live with my mistakes
And the fear that will come
From knowing that the one thing
I had left was you
And now your gone

I am victim of my time
A product of the age
You alone are my obsession
You were the one I left behind
You’ve been heavy on my mind
It’s been a lonely road I’ve traveled
And so I walk to try to get away
Knowing that someday I will finally have to face
The fear that will come from knowing that
The one thing I had left was you
And now you’re gone

Insomnia can be an incredible songwriting tool...

A tiny hope that burns into my breath
A bitter smile delights me at the end

But I don't look back
While I'm waiting to die
I don't look back
In a weird lullaby
I'll carry on
And the hope in my heart is dry

But I don't look back
And I cannot reply
I don't look back
While I'm waiting to lie
I'll carry on
While they want to decide for me
Once again
Once again
Living in their cage
Living in their cage
They are killing me
Once again

Fuck.

Don't you just hate it when shit piles up. I just feel like doing something stupid tonight just stop thinking for like an hour or two. You know, something i know ill regret the next day. I just dont want to care about anymore. Fuck my future! Fuck my job! Fuck my life! Just Fuck everything. There's no point in any of it anyway.

I told someone else about the stuff that happened. And no it didn't make me feel any better. There's a reason why i don't talk about it. There's really no logical reasoning for me not to blame myself for what happened. It was all my fault. If i just didn't.. then She wouldn't have.. So young so stupid so blinded.

I wana cry so bad but this tears won't fall anymore. I wana die so bad but.. sigh..

I just feel like a time bomb just ticking away again. I still wonder why i try so hard to be this way. Why i don't go back to my old ways. I could have a lot more then what i have now. So what if i get caught? There's nothing that matters to me anyway. I have nothing to loose. Nothing to gain.

I'm just tired so very tired.

I wish you were still here. You would know what to do.