After all that ive been through its kinda hard to believe that i survived till today. I know i may be young but being sucidal since my pri school days its a really long time to bear. Every day just ticks away so painfully. Yes for those who dont know, I was sucidal and i still am. But I guess after my last failed relationship i kinda realised that I can keep feeling sorry for myself or i could take control of my life.
God I don't need you and i have been a million times better off without you. Such a weak religion based only on faith. A seed of doubt would go a long way. Send me to hell cause i dont give a fuck. You claimed you loved us but look what you did to job just to prove a point. Jesus Christ suffered for us and died for our sins? Fuck Christ! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell and all the praises and hallelujahs of the legions of angels for eternity. Damn i could do that!
I can say im a better person now then when i was a Christian. I wouldnt say happier but better indeed. I never had happiness to start with anyways. Instead of just residing in a God that does what ever he wants when ever he wants to. Ive decided to step out of that comfort circle. At least now i dun depend on some stupid faith and a self-righteous God. Let me say this to everyone. However strong your faith is it doesnt matter at all. Now i know this for sure that this is my life. I play by my rules. And i am God. Tell that to yourself cause you need not be governed by anything!
To my ex. I don't know if your gona read this but im gona thank you for ripping my heart out. Im better off dead thank you. Infact without you ill still be following that hippocratic messiah of yours. I'll never be what you want me to be. I'll be better..
Why does it hurt so bad
to lose something I thought I had
to have these feelings and nothing to do
just sit around and wait for you
Why is it so hard to move on now
knowing what we never had it
Is there a place where happiness is?
Even though there's still a fizz
In my soul when you are around
your name is beautiful yet a painful sound
Now all I can do is wonder
How I lost it all in one little blunder
By falling for you
Now I know the nature of my errors
I just wish I could get rid of my cares
Yet I can't now my heart won't let me
To get rid of a person who fills me with glee
But I can't have what I never had
No matter what I do or how I try
So fuck it!
