I’ve been thinking a lot about my past lately. The things I’m proud off have all been learned from the people I’m trying to reject. I just cannot be that person who follows just by faith anymore. The gift has been taken away from me in exchange for knowledge. And now I know more then I learned in the past 16 years of my life. I finally know why ignorance is bliss now. My mind tells me I need to know everything about God while my heart tells me I was not meant to know that much. Now with that little I know I really don’t see what anyone Truly sees in him. Which is most likely only 10% of his worshipers?
I’ve done a lot of wrong in my past. Some of which still haunts me every night. There is this one person I really want to set things right with but I just don’t know what to do. She tried to be there for me after my last break up but I just kept pushing her away. I know I’ve hurt her a lot and how we stopped talking did not end very well. I’ve been thinking of calling her up for the past week but I’m really scared of how she would react to it. What if trying to make things up to her just makes everything worse. Haiz why does life suck so much?
I saw something on a friend’s msn nick today. It says “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down”. Yeah.. I guess that’s what I’ve been doing my whole life. And that was probably the main reason I was so in love with my ex. She was the one person who actually cared enough to break down my walls and looked at my ugly side and say that it’s alright. To accept me for whomever I was on the inside and not what I was. How many of you would be able to look under the jester's mask and accept his tears? Or will you reject him like the rest.
Play the role of a martyr in classic style
In hand with a twisted smile
To bleed the words of this rites
An epitaph to a broken dream
To set free this silent scream
In the playground of broken hearts
Penned an entry in a diary
Yet another emotional suicide
Overdosed on sentimental and pride
So go now and hide with laughter
Thy tears and thy sorrow
And laugh for the pain that is breaking my heart
For this is the life of a jester
And never can his tears be seen
I wonder if anyone bothers to look between my word play
