Once again i cant sleep. Thanks alot. All the pain brings me down again. Drag me to the floor. I wonder when it would be. That i can close my eyes and not see. I doubt anyone can fully understand anything i write here. But i enjoy it. Knowing that each word here has its meaning. Each word chosen solely for a purpose.
I dare not speak of my past for its catching up on me. That promise i made is getting harder and harder to keep. Sometimes i don't know why i try so hard. Maybe i should just that that leap of faith and join you.. where ever you are. I don't think it can be any worse than this. I know you didnt what it to end up this way. But i still blame myself for everything that happened. Worse of all i still cant.. Haiz.. if you could read this you would know. oh why couldnt it be me instead.
I look up see the moon slightly shaded from the clouds. How i wish to reach out for it. To savor every moment it stands in its light. Knowing in just moments it would be drowned by the morning light. I like the night. Theres no one there to care. Only then i can dwell in my sorrow. Wipe that smile of that face. All i feel is pain, it's the only thing thats real to me.
I dream of life where im safe. In a home where im not alone. Lay me down on grass where everything is greener. It always seem so good on the other side. How would you know life is better then death when you don't know how death feels like. I think i can fly.
On a lighter note. I won't be in town for christmas or the new year. Which might be a good thing. Seems like i find any occasion thats supposed to be joyful depressing. So tell me.. Am i still alive? Or am i just a memory playing itself out.
