If only i could hate you half as much as i hate myself.

Why can’t I cry when I feel like dying inside? I know it’s been so long since we last spoke and you’ve found someone new. But don’t you know how much I still miss you? These wounds never seem to close no matter what I try. It feels just like yesterday. Every breath is a pain. Sometimes I wonder how I’m still alive. Sitting here right now listening to the last song you left for me. Well at least I’m not crying this time. Sometimes I wonder what it would take for you to notice me again. If I died would you be there? I’m starting to realize that ‘forever’ is just another one of those fairy tales that mothers tell their children to help them sleep at night. Nothing is forever. Life isn’t, happiness isn’t, love isn’t. Things end and people say goodbye and we have no choice in the matter. All we can do is sit and watch our lives ending one minute at a time. And it hurts my soul, because I can't let go, all these walls are caving in, I can't stop my suffering, I hate to show I've lost control, because I keep going right back to the one thing I need to walk away from. The saddest part is that with each passing day I feel like I need you more, but it's the fact that you don't need me at all.