Sometimes I like to imagine myself performing in front of a
small bar crowd. That’s the only way I seem to be able to express myself.
Through music.
Its times like this I just want to be understood. I don’t want
to feel better or have anyone solve any of my issues. More than anything I just
want people to see who I really am, what I really feel and not feel turned off
by it. And trust me I’ve tried opening up to people. But nobody expects this
from me. These days the only thing expected of me is to keep smiling, to keep
moving on. I feel like I don’t even have the time to process anything that is
happening to me. I every time get hit, I’m expected get up instantly as though
nothing happen. Every time I think reached my limit, I have to force myself to increase
it to the next level. It’s like no one expects me to feel anything. I have to
smile, laugh and joke all the time. Like the lonely jester forever hiding behind
the mask of smiles.
So I keep moving on. To where? I really have no clue.
Cause
right now all I can do is to do whatever it takes to feel a little better.
