Sometimes I just wanna Disappear..

"//Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.//"

The nights I’m left all alone are the most frightful. Monsters of depth and density lurking beyond the periphery of my vision, my fear contingent on their existence. Peace; the extension of rest evades me, and once again I am asphyxiated into empty being. Nothing floats, as everything is its parallel. Every waking hour I beg for sleep to cradle me in its embracing arms and carry me off to never never land. Telling her- I’ll pack my bags, and perhaps spread my wings and finally fly, oh please lift me off and away from here. But no she doesn't work that way. So I drink.. or do whatever it takes to excape. I know I'll never be completely free, but at least these drugs will jolt my being into purpose and pull daylight closer to me.

Now a familiar rush of adrenaline is shooting itself like a broken stereo through my entire body, lighting and heating up different nerves and I’m twitching and uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if I subject myself to this torment willingly, then I think no, it is worth it. So then I go on out and have a cigarette that perhaps only worsens things albeit relaxing me, and I allow the cycle to repeat. Crystal eyed, I finally lay here in bed waiting for the dark to pass.. once again..